What do you do with a disappointment?

Maria Montalvo

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

Edmonds author Kobi Yamada wrote a series of children’s books whose titles begin with the same question: “What Do You Do with An Idea?” “What Do You Do With A Chance?” “What Do You Do With A Problem?”

(Editor’s note: Yamada is featured in the latest edition of The Beacon Magazine.)

These beautiful tales, narrated by a thoughtful child – accompanied by a loyal and adorable fox – demonstrate just how difficult it can be to remain hopeful or committed or strong in the face of adversity.

These stories also tell of how much possibility is in our chances, in our ideas, and even in our problems, since they offer opportunities to be brave.

I pulled those books out last week as I searched for solace after the election, looking for opportunities. This was more than a problem, though. It is a disappointment – a disappointment based not only on an outcome but in what the vote represented to me, a justification of immorality.

What do you do with a disappointment?

As Dr. King said, a disappointment must be treated as what it is, finite.

It is critical to accept reality when facing disappointment because only by accepting a painful or undesirable situation is it possible to resist the temptation to disconnect from it, according to psychologists. Disappointment is overcome by facing it head-on.

Demanding a free press that presents facts without interference and eschewing social media platforms that engage in propaganda (I’m looking at you, X users) are steps. Volunteering or working for groups that support causes you believe in or protect vulnerable populations is doing something. Participate in the political process at all levels, making your voice heart, respectfully, of course.

Those who do not believe that the worst will materialize from this election can also commit to remaining vigilant for a country we can be proud of. Americans who are not disappointed by last week can engage positively with their neighbors to maintain safety and a sense of community, promote shared interests, and live the value of “love thy neighbor,” and insist their government does, as well.

More broadly, show up to demand free and fair elections, adherence to the Constitution and the rule of law, and a commitment representative democracy.

Leaders attempting to limit democracy rely on the population passively ceding control to a person or one group. Oligarchs and autocrats count on feelings of hopelessness and inevitability to reduce participation. If the perception is that certain values or rights will be lost, there is no use in fighting.

Over time, elections become less legitimate by limiting opposition and eventually become mere charades.

The path to a less democratic union is not so difficult to envision, with roadmaps from Viktor Orban’s "illiberal democracy" in Hungary (governance through nondemocratic practices within formally democratic institutions that bypass constitutional limits on power). Many political scientists argue that the United States is again becoming an oligarchy, government by the few and for the few, characterized by dramatic wealth inequality and powerful economic elites and corporations that influence public opinion and policy to their advantage.

The what-if’s can feel overwhelming.  

But the paralyzing strength of disappointment is at the heart of another inspiring book by author, Yamada. “Trying” follows a young man trying to resist the urge to give up on his dream. He says, “It feels awful to want something so badly, and then just be disappointed.”

He is encouraged to persist by the words of a mentor, “We have the courage to do something good and worthwhile, or we don’t.”

So what do I do with a disappointment? Persevere.